Hello lovely people! And all you other malcontents that are undoubtedly reading this. It’s me, your acquaintance who’s contact information you keep meaning to delete but you find me entirely too amusing.
Toade. It’s Toade. Just want to be clear on that.
It’s been a week since we last touched base and I waxed poetic about how much I LOATHE editing my work. Since then, I have found another topic to complain about on a forum that will be available to tens of people far and wide.
I hate naming things.
I know you’re all thinking that I’m out here trying to name a child or something, but I’m thinking bigger than that. My problems extend far beyond the confines of deciding what the world will call my future progeny. I’m out here thinking about naming entire worlds. I AM PLAYING GOD, PEOPLE. And I’m terrible at it. People keep dying.
To be completely fair here, this idea came from a very dear friend of mine who also happens to be a writer. I’ve never actually written anything set in a world that isn’t our own (with one exception), so I’ve never had the displeasure of having to come up with a name for a whole new planet for my characters to inhabit. But this friend of mine, let’s call him D-Izzle, is nothing if not a high fantasy writer. He’s been working on a particular piece of fiction for a very long time, and he confided in me that the hardest part of the whole thing has been coming up with what to call the setting, the continents, the cities, the races and EVERYTHING else that comes with imagining a…
….A whole new world.
I really didn’t want to make that reference, but there it is.
Now, I’ve never struggled in the way that he’s struggled, but let me be completely honest when I tell you that my future child is absolutely doomed to live their existence with one of two kinds of names: an extremely boring and cookie-cutter name OR something so outlandish that they’ll live out their formative years being bullied by everyone who comes into contact with them. Myself included. Seriously, I’m vicious.
It’s issues like these that make me extremely hesitant to try my hand at fiction set in distant or fantastic worlds. The one exception I mentioned earlier is a story set in the universe of Psycho Babble, built by our very own Sharke and Fishe. The fact that they spent so much time and put so much effort into creating this world is something I’ll never stop marveling over and exploiting for my own benefit by hijacking it to write new stories that are very… me.
You guys don’t understand the kind of freedom I have when I write something in a universe that’s already been established by someone else! And you know what else? I DIDN’T HAVE TO COME UP WITH ANY NAMES FOR ANY OF THE SETTINGS.
But I still had to come up with character names and that just isn’t cool either. So, if you want to help out a struggling superstar writer, hit me up with all of the cool baby names you’ve come up with during your lonely nights where you let your mind ponder such future scenarios. That’s right. I know what you do. I’ve seen it. And I’m only mildly disappointed.
That’s it for me this week! Sorry about the slightly short entry, but I’ve been super busy overhauling all of our social media outlets. Make sure you check us out on Twitter: @BeetleMilkComic, Facebook: http://facebook.com/BeetleMilkPublishing/, and Instagram: @BeetleMilk. We’re doing a whole lot of cool stuff over on these pages that you’re gonna want to check out.
But until next time, keep on keeping on.
Brian Melgar, known as Toade on the [BeetleMilk] Team, once proposed an entire podcast about how difficult writing is. Realizing how hard podcasts are to make, he settled for complaining about both on a blog...ironically forcing him to write more. In the event of the untimely demise of his alias, send your hopes and prayers to @beetlemilkcomic on Twitter, and nudes to @darthsnugglepuss on IG.